So maybe that’s what was at play this past week when I stared angrily at my phone, stubbornly willing it to ring. Why hasn’t he called? Why did he ask for my number if he wasn’t going to call? Why do I even care? After all, it’s not like I haven’t had and enjoyed one night stands before. All these thoughts streamed through my head as I stared at the little red rectangle that is my Blackberry. Actually, glared would probably be more accurate, because I started to get a bit angry as the week went on. Okay, more than a bit. There came a point when I actually wanted to chuck the thing across the room and it had nothing to do with the fact that my Facebook app has been messed up for days. And when I woke up to yet another grumpy, gloomy day this morning (thank you Mother Nature, but could you please stop matching my mood?) I realized I was just plain fed up.
It’s been awhile since I’ve been the girl who waits by the phone. And you know what? It’s not fun, and it’s never worth it. In fact, the only time it’s ever been worth it for me to wait (in any capacity) for a guy is when I was dating a fireman and waited to make sure he always came home after a call. But this week has not been a matter of life or death, unless you count the death of my sanity. So I’m done. I deleted the number from my phone, consigned his name to my list of conquests and decided that with cooler weather, cooler heads should prevail. And that means not forcing anything. For one thing, I’m really bad at it. And secondly, it never works! All those relationships that stared in the fall started because the timing happened to be right, not because I checked the calendar and decided to get a move on. So this fall may come and go without a relationship entering my life, and I’ll have to be okay with that. Because the alternative is being that girl by the phone. And that girl is not a happy girl, especially when she’s me.